how to raise our children

taking advantage of innate motivations

the innate motivations contribute to raising and educating the child if the parent uses them moderately and in balance:

(1): inspiration: it should be used in favor of the child, in the sense that the parent/educator should broaden the imagination of the child. yet, parents should not inspire or lead the child to feel afraid like telling him stories of monsters and ghosts etc. it should be used moderately because too much inspiration can make the child a submissive follower to others without showing any sort of independence ([1]). to succeed in inspiring the child, the parent/educator should be truthful and show the qualities of what he is calling for like courage and patience. he should be skillful in the way he demonstrates his ideas, using an effective moving voice tone ([2]). the parent should be aware of whom his child is inspired by. he has to protect him from falling in the trap of admiring spoiled singers and actors, he should explain to him the negativity they spread in society which would make the child disapprove their activity and instead of being inspired by them, he would take the righteous and pious people as his role model ([3]).

(2) playing: it builds in the child the ability to think and gain different skills ([4]). as for group playing, it is a sort of school in which the child learns leadership, obedience, commitment and behavioral measures ([5]). it also teaches him to learn about his future career or social roles ([6]); the boy plays sometimes by pretending to be a father, teacher or doctor and the girl pretends to be a mother and teacher or any other career that suits her nature. yet, there has to be some balance between group and individual playing so that the child does not withdraw and stop interacting with others, he should learn how to deal with his peers, endure harm, preserve his rights and become a team player ([7]). he can learn all that from playing in a group.

(3): imitation: it is a method to form habits and social manners of the child. imitation usually happens when the child takes a role model that he follows and looks up to him ([8]). the child gains the positive social manners easily if his parents or guardians are characterized with these manners. if the parent/educator trains his child to be brave ([9]), it should start from an early age. imitation becomes clear in the character of the child at the end of his first year ([10]), it starts when the child imitates the parent without intention then this unintended imitation becomes a sort of guidance to the child as he feels attached to his parents through this imitation, in addition to feeling proud of having a role model ([11]). if parents or role models are brave, this can be an effective cure to the child’s fear; also associating with brave friends or peers helps the child to overcome his fear ([12]). imitation can be effective in encouraging the child to take medicine, eat healthy and overcome laziness and other negativities. for example, if the child has an older sibling who eats important foods for development such as vegetables, protein and all sorts of healthy nutrients, most likely the younger brother or sister will imitate his/her older sibling.

(4): constructive competition: it originates in the child feelings and capacities that do not appear except through competing ([13]). the parent/educator can transfer competition into an educational method if he makes sure that competing children have the same level of abilities, for example we should not make a very smart child compete with a child with average intelligence; it would be unfair for both of them. the parent/educator should direct children to respect each other when they are competing and congratulate the winners ([14]). he should avoid any kind of comparison that might despise the child or belittle him; he should not also use comparison as a way of punishment that makes the child feel bitter and small. if we use comparison, then we should use it to remind him of who is better than him yet in a smart way to push the child to work harder and also to remind him of who is less than him to build up his confidence ([15]). all this should be done with awareness, balance and without exaggeration.

(5): cooperation: the child prefers group playing when he is four years old ([16]). the parents should benefit from this innate tendency in the child to belong to a group to engage him in shared meals and banquets and teach him to cooperate in carrying and organizing things. he learns from group playing high values and moralities such as being merciful with the young, seriousness, healthy competition, friendliness and love. cooperation has positive clear effects such as speed and easiness of achieving tasks no matter what kind they are, for example cooperation among household members helps in cleaning, arranging and decorating the house quickly.

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([1]) kaifa nurabi atfalan by mahmoud al-istanbouly: page 147-148.

([2]) kaifa nurabi atfalan by mahmoud al-istanbouly: page 147-148.

([3]) manhaj al-tarbiyah al-islamiyah by mohamed qutb: page 480.

([4]) birnamaj amaly litarbiyat al-osrah by aminah al-yahya: page 23.

([5]) al-osrah wal-tufulah by zidan abdul baqi: page 250-255.

([6]) al-osrah wal-tufulah by zidan abdul baqi: page 250-255, mas’ulayt al-abb fi tarbiyat al-walad by adnan baharith: page 422.

([7]) tarbiyat al-atfal fi rehab al-islam by mohamed al-nassir and khawala darwish: page 148.

([8]) al-mushkilat al-solokiyah by nabih al-ghabrah: page 27-151.

([9]) dr. spock talks with mothers by dr. benjamin spock: page 72.

([10]) al-mushkilat al-solokiyah by nabih al-ghabrah: page 26.

([11]) usul al-tarbiyah al-islamiyah by abdul rahman al-nahlawi: page 258-260.

([12]) al-mushkilat al-solokiyah by nabih al-ghabrah: page 151.

([13]) manhaj al-tarbiyah al-nabawiyah by mohamed nour swaid: page 347.

([14]) kaifa nurabi atfalan by mahmoud al-istanbouly: page 143.

([15]) kaifa nurbi tiflan by mohamed ziad hamdan: page 36-39.

([16]) al-mushkilat al-solokiyah by nabih al-ghabrah: page 188-192.