when a muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and
then wishes to return another time, he should first perform wudhuu', based on the
statement of the prophet : "when one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to
return another time, let him perform wudhuu' between the 2 times (in another version,
the same wudhuu' which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his
return." [muslim, ibn abi shaibah and others].
bathing is preferable
bathing, however, is preferable to merely making wudhuu' in such situations. abu raafi'
narrates: "that the prophet made the rounds of all his wives one night, bathing in the
house of each one. he (i.e. the narrator) asked the prophet: "couldn't you have just
bathed once (i.e. at the end)?” the prophet answered: "this way is purer, cleaner and
better". [aboo daawood, an-nasaa'ee: hasan in "al-'ishrah", and others].
the bathing of husband and wife together
it is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though
he sees her private parts, and she sees his. this is established by a number of authentic
hadith, among them:
on the authority of 'aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "i used to bathe with the
prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our
hands collided inside it. he used to race me such that i would say: `leave some for me,
leave some for me!' she added: `we were in a state of janaba (i.e. the state of having
slept together).'" [al-bukharee and muslim].
on the authority of mu'aawiya ibn haida, who said: "i said: `o messenger of allaah,
which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?' the prophet
answered, "guard your nakedness excpet from your wife or those whom your right
hand possesses." (so it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch the body of
his or her companion even the private parts). he said: `o messenger of allah, what
about if the relatives live together with each other?' the prophet answered : "if you can
make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so." he said: `o messenger of
allah, what about when one is alone?' the prophet said: "allah is more deserving of
your modesty than are the people"." [ahmad, abu dawood, at-tirmidhee and others: saheeh].
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making wudhuu' after sex and before sleeping
it is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first perform
wudhuu'. there are various hadith about this, among them:
first: on the authority of 'aa'shah who said: "whenever the prophet wished to sleep or
eat while in a state of janaba (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash
his private parts and perform wudhuu' as for prayer." [al-bukhaaree and muslim].
second: on the authority of ibn 'umar who said: "o messenger of allah, should we go
to sleep in a state of janaba?" the prophet answered: "yes, after making wudhuu." [al-
bukhaaree and muslim]. in another version: "perform wudhuu' and wash your private
parts, and then sleep." [al -bukhaaree and muslim]. and, in another version: "yes, you can
perform wudhuu', sleep, and bathe whenever you want." [muslim and al-baihaqi]. and, in
still another version: "yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." (this last version proves
that this wudhuu' is not obligatory.) [ibn khuzima and ibn hibban: saheeh].
third: on the authority of 'ammaar ibn yaasir, the prophet said: "there are three
which the angels will never approach: the corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears
perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs wudhuu'." [abu
dawood, ahmad and others: hasan].
the ruling of this wudhuu'
this wudhuu' is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely commendable. this (i.e.
its not being obligatory) is based on the hadith narrated by 'umar in which he asked the
prophet: "should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" to which the prophet answered:
"yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." [ibn hibbaan: saheeh]. this is also supported by
other hadith, among them a hadith narrated by 'aa'ishah who said: "the prophet used to
sleep in a state of janaba without having touched water, until he would get up later and
bathe." [ibn abi shaiba, at-tirmidhee, abu daawood and others: saheeh].
in another version narrated by 'aa'ishah , she said: ""he used to spend the night in a
state of janaba until bilal came in the morning to make the adhaan. then, he would
get up, bathe while i looked at the water dripping from his head, and go out. then, i
would hear his voice in the fajr prayer. then, he would remain fasting." mutarrif said:
"i said to aamir: in the month of ramadhaan?" he said: "yes, in ramadhaan and in
other than ramadhaan." [ibn abi shaiba, ahmad and others: saheeh].
making tayammum in a state of janab a instead of wudhuu'
it is also permissible to make tayammum sometimes instead of wudhuu' before sleeping.
this is based on a hadith of 'aa'ishah in which she said: "when the prophet was in a
state of janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make wudhuu' or tayammum." [al-
baihaqi: hasan]
bathing before sleeping is perferable
bathing however, is perferable to any of the above- mentioned possibilities as is clear in
the hadith of `abullaah ibn qais who said: "i asked 'ai'ishah : "what did the prophet do
when in a state of janaba? did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?" she
answered: "he did all of those things. sometimes he bathe and then slept. and
sometimes he performed wudhuu' and then slept." i said: "praise be to allah who
made things flexible." [muslim, ahmad and abu `auwaana].
the prohibition of sex when she is menstruating
it is forbidden for a muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is
menstruating. this is clear in the following verse of the qur'an:
"they ask thee concerning women's courses. say: they
are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in
their courses, and do not approach them until they are
clean. but when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for
you by allah. for allah loves those who turn to him
constantly and he loves those who keep themselves pure
and clean." [al-baqarah, 2:222]
there are also hadith about this, among them:
first: "whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a woman in
her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in
that which was revealed to muhammad."
second: on the authority of anas ibn malik, who said: "when one of their women has
their period, the jews used to put her out of the house, and they would not eat, drink, or
sleep with her in the house. the prophet was asked about this, and allaah revealed the
verse:
"they ask thee concerning women's courses. say: they
are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in
their courses, ...
then the prophet said: "be with them in the house, and do everything except for
intercourse itself." the jews said: "this man wants to leave nothing which we do
without doing something different." then, asyad ibn hudair said: "o messenger of
allah, verily the jews says such-and-such, shoudl we not then have sexual intercourse
during menstruation?" the prophet's face changed such that they thought that he was
enraged with them, so they left. as they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being
brought to the prophet. the prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of
milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them." [muslim, abu 'auwaana and
abu daawood].
the penitence of one who has sex during menses
whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is
menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of one dinar's weight of
gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount. this is based
on a hadith narrated by 'abdullaah ibn 'abbaas from the prophet in relation to one who
enters his wife while she is on her period as follows: "let him give one dinar in charity,
or one half dinar." [at-tirmidhee, abu dawood, at-tabaraani and others: saheeh].
what is permissible when she is on her periods
it is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private
parts when she is on her period. there are several hadiths about this:
first: "and do everything except intercourse itself." [muslim, abu 'auwaana and aboo
daawood]
second: on the authority of 'aa'ishah who said: "when we were on our periods, the
prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can then lie with
her." one time she said: "... her husband can then fondle and caress her." [al-bukhaaree,
muslims and others].
third: on the authority of one of the wives of the prophet who said: "when the prophet
wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period, he put a cloth over her
private parts, and then did whatever he wanted." [abo daawood: saheeh]
when is it allowed to resume sexual activity after menses?
when she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is
allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood
had been, or performs wudhuu', or takes a complete bath. whichever of these three
alternatives she does makes it allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on
allaah's statement in the qur'an:
"but when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for
you by allah. for allah loves those who turn to him
constantly and he loves those who keep themselves pure
and clean."
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