The Prophet Urged Men to Keep a Good Company with their Wives

Prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – has guided his people to keep good company with their wives by word and deed, and there are many traditions of our prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – in this regard, and here are some of them:

1- Bukhary & Muslim narrated that Abu Huraira – may Allah be pleased with him – reported that prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – said: "treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are like this; therefore treat them kindly".

There is another narration to the same tradition by Muslim stated: "women have been created from a rib. She will never be straightened up in the way you wish. If you enjoyed her companionship, then do it with that crookedness, as if you tried to rectify her she will be broken and breaking her means divorcing her."

The Prophet – peace be upon him – directed men not only to treat women kindly, but also demonstrated their reality to convince men to accept his precious advise, because if the men realized that women are crooked by nature, then they should be patient with women knowing that they cannot be straightforward always, and knowing that they are acting by their very nature; therefore, insisting on the straightforwardness of woman to the ideal level was a point of surprise for the poets, and some of them said:

A woman is like a crooked rib which cannot be rectified; thus, trying otherwise will break such rib.

Another poet said:

The one who tries to use things beyond their nature is like the one who seeks a torch in water.

2- Prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – repeated this commandment in several occasions. In his last pilgrimage (Hajj al wadda’), our Prophet – peace be upon him – devoted an essential part of his great sermon to this commandment and said: "treat women kindly, they are captives in your houses, you have no way except to treat them kindly unless they commit a clear-cut abomination, in which case, desert them in the bed, if not feasible, strike them gently but do not cause them any harm, thereafter, if they obeyed you, do not wrong them. You have a right on your wives and your wives have a right on you; your right on them is that they should keep your honor and do not allow any person to enter your houses if you do not like them to enter, and their right on you is to treat them kindly and provide them with clothing and food". Narrated by Muslim.

The Prophet – peace and blessings be upon him reiterated his commandment for woman because he knows well their nature. This nature cannot be tolerated by some of the men who do not have control on themselves when they got angry; thus, their intolerance on the crookedness of women leads them to divorce them; consequently, they lose their wives and scatter their families.

Therefore, the prophet – peace be upon him – guided Muslim husbands in another tradition to the right way of dealing with their families by saying:

3- "The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character."

Narrated by Muslim.

4- The prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "those who are the best believers are those who have the best manners and the most kind to their families."

Narrated by Tirmithi and others.

5- The prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "the best of you is the best to his family and i am the best of you to my family".

6- The prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "anything not involving the extolment of Allah is vanity or negligence except four things: exercising shooting, training the horse, playing with his family and learning swimming".

Narrated by al-Nasa'i.

There are plenty of traditions urging the Muslims to have good manners with their families and relatives

Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – disciplined his wives if it was necessary

True, the prophet – peace be upon him – was all the time treating his wives – mothers of the believers, may Allah be pleased with them – kindly and compassionately but this was not the case all the times; because the prophet – peace be upon him – was wise & prudent, and was taking the right action at the right circumstances; therefore, if the kind treatment was feasible and useful, then he will never hesitate to treat them kindly, but if discipline, prevention and desertion were more appropriate, then he will apply it. A poet said in this regard:

Patience and forbearing will not be feasible or useful if there were no determination and strictness.

Women are by nature crooked, tending to their sentiments and need always to be educated, cultivated and disciplined; therefore, Allah almighty has assigned this responsibility to the men by saying: {men are the ever upright (managers) (of the affairs) of women for what Allah has graced some of them over (some) others and for what they have expended of their riches. So righteous women are devout, preservers of the unseen. And the ones whom you fear their non-compliance, then admonish them and forsake them in their beds, (literally: a madajic= reclining) and strike them, (i.e. Hit them lightly) yet in case they obey you, then do not seek inequitably any way against them; surely Allah has been ever-exalted, ever-great} an-Nisaa': 34.

The prophet – peace be upon him – has applied this manner with his family in order to teach Muslims the right way of education and discipline as he taught them to be kind and forbearing with their families.

When the wives of the prophet – peace be upon him – asked him for spending on them more than the normal limits and wanted to enjoy more pleasures and delights in this transitory life beyond what the prophet – peace be upon him – determined and elected to himself, he deserted them for one month until Allah almighty revealed this verse on him: {o you prophet, say to your spouses, "in case you would (like) the present life (literally: the lowly life, i.e., the life of this world) and its adornment, then come, and i will allow you (the necessary) enjoyment and will release you a becoming release ¯ and in case you would (like) Allah and his messenger and the last home, then surely Allah has prepared for the fair-doers among you a magnificent reward} (al-Ahzab: 28-29)

Therefore, the prophet – peace be upon him – gave them the choice either to stay with him with the minimum necessary to support living or separation; so, they elected to obey Allah almighty and his prophet – peace be upon him – as mentioned before in the narration of Anas, Um Salama and Abdullah Bin Abbas in Bukhary & Muslim.

The prophet – peace be upon him – was like this if the matter required determination in treating his wives, such as in case of committing any religious mistake which cannot be disregarded, in which case, the prophet – peace be upon him – denounce such mistakes without taking any regard to anything except the pleasure of Allah almighty; therefore, he was using several methods such as preaching, instructing, frightening and getting angry according to the circumstances of each case.

All of this proves the sublime morals, manners, and wisdom of the Prophet – peace and blessings be upon him – as he was taking the right action in the right circumstances.