raising the child

all perfect praise is due to allaah the almighty, whose help and forgiveness we beseech. we repent to him and seek refuge in him from any evil that our hearts conceal and from the consequences of our bad deeds. whoever allaah the almighty guides will never be led astray and whoever he allows to deviate will never find guidance. i testify that there is none worthy of worship except allaah, the one who has no associate. i testify also that muhammad is his messenger and slave.

allaah the almighty says:

{o you who have believed, fear allaah as he should be feared and do not die except as muslims [in submission to him].}[aal-‘imraan: 102]

he the almighty also says:

 {o mankind, fear your lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. and fear allaah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. indeed allaah is ever, over you, an observer.}[an-nisaa’: 1]

he the almighty also says:

{¡o you, who have believed, fear allaah and speak words of appropriate justice! he will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. and whoever obeys allaah and his messenger has certainly attained a great attainment. }[al-ahzaab: 70-71]

to proceed:

the most truthful speech is that of the book of allaah (the noble quran) and the best of guidance is that of muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. the worst of evils are the newly invented matters (foreign to the true teachings of islam), and every newly invented matter (in the religion) is a bid‘ah (innovation) and every bid‘ah is a dhalaalah (misguidance) and every misguidance is in the hellfire.

al-ahnaf ibn qays said while admonishing muawiyah ibn abi sufian, may allaah be pleased with him: “o leader of the believers, they are the fruit of our hearts, and the mainstays to our backs. to them, we are land and skies of shade. by them, we can fight any tyrant. if they ask for your help, give it; if they become angry, pacify them because they grant you their amity, and demonstrate to you their utmost love.

abu hurairah, may allaah be pleased with him, narrated that the messenger of allaah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “when a man dies all his good deeds come to an end except three: sadaqah jaariyah (ongoing charity), beneficial knowledge and a righteous son who will pray for him.”

when a man dies and knows well the conditions of the hereafter, its horrors, witnesses the reward of obedience and the punishment of disobedience, he wishes if he would go back to the worldly life even for a minute to do a good deed to get the benefit of its reward. this hadeeth mentioned the three actions that can be beneficial for one after his death: ongoing charity, the knowledge that people can benefit from it and a righteous child (who will pray for him).

however, the beneficial knowledge is not in everyone’s ability and not all of the people are rich to make an ongoing charity, then nothing remains except the reward of a righteous son.

one cannot be a righteous and reformer while his son is a corrupted corrupter. how can people accept advice of someone whose house is morally destroyed and his son is corrupted?  accordingly, it is necessary for everyone to start with reforming his house and disciplining his son first so that he may be pleased with his dutifulness to him in this life and with his supplication when he becomes under the dust (i.e. after his death).

dear muslim brother, the righteous son and the good offspring is the wish of the prophets, peace be upon them, consider well the supplication of zakariah (zechariah) as it is mentined in the soorah (chapter) of aal-‘imraan:

{at that, zakariah called upon his lord, saying, "my lord, grant me from yourself a good offspring. indeed, you are the hearer of supplication."}[aal-‘imraan: 38]

think attentively about the supplication of the prophet of allaah ibraaheem (abraham), peace be upon him, as it is mentioned in the soorah of as-saafaat: {my lord, grant me [a child] from among the righteous."} [as-saafaat: 100]

the corrupted son is an affliction and a reason of disbelief and wrath of allaah the almighty and his death is a mercy for his parents. allaah the almighty says in soorah of al-kahf regarding what happened between moosa (moses) and al-khadir, peace be upon them: {and as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared that he would overburden them by transgression and disbelief. so we intended that their lord should substitute for them one better than him in purity and nearer to mercy.} [al-kahf: 80-81]

dear brother, look at how allaah the almighty affirmed the faith of the parents of the child; however, he will be a cause of destroying this faith and changing it to tyranny and disbelief.

furthermore, imam ath-thahabi reported in siyar ‘alaam an-nubalaa’ that al-malik al-mas‘ood of yemen. when his son died, his father felt happy with his death because he used to treat merchants harshly and drink alcohol in medina. the corrupted son is really a great affliction to his family in the worldly life and the hereafter.

consequently, it is of ultimate importance for everyone to know the methods of upbringing children as they are mentioned in the religion of islam, not in the other beliefs that allow the girl to make fornication and do whatever she wants while her parents has no authority over her..

so, let us join this journey of upbringing children and their rights in islam: 

the basic principle in upbringing the son is to choose the righteous mother. that is because mother is the land that carries the seed. the more the land is fertile, strong, and pure, the better the plants will surely be.

we will not speak too much about the righteous woman for many people may say: “we have already married and this matter has been settled, what really count is that how can i raise my son properly?

firstly, we can say that the one who has not married yet: 

al-bukhaari reported from abu hurairah, may allaah be pleased with him, that the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:  “a woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble ancestry, beauty and religion. choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution).”

as for the one who has married and allaah has blessed him with children:  

he should praise allaah the almighty for this grace, fear him the exalted regarding his wife, children and not to feed them except from a lawful source.

dear muslim brother, know that the son is tidings and it cannot be so except if it is something good.

allaah the almighty says:

{and certainly did our messengers come to abraham with good tidings; they said, "peace." he said, "peace," and did not delay in bringing [them] a roasted calf. but when he saw their hands not reaching for it, he distrusted them and felt from them apprehension. they said, "fear not. we have been sent to the people of lot." and his wife was standing, and she smiled. then we gave her good tidings of ishaaq (isaac) and after isaac, ya‘coob (jacob).}[hood: 69-71]  

he the almighty also says:

{and inform them about the guests of abraham. when they entered upon him and said, "peace." [abraham] said, "indeed, we are fearful of you."  [the angels] said, "fear not. indeed, we give you good tidings of a learned boy." he said, "have you given me good tidings although old age has come upon me? then of what [wonder] do you inform?" they said, "we have given you good tidings in truth, so do not be of the despairing." he said, "and who despairs of the mercy of his lord except for those astray?"}[al-hijr: 51-56]

he the almighty also says:

{[he was told], "o zakariah, indeed we give you good tidings of a boy whose name will be yahya (john). we have not assigned to any before [this] name."}[mariam: 7]

so, accept the gift of your lord whether it is a boy or a girl and say: all perfect praise be to allaah.